Be Strict With Yourself and Tolerant With Others: A Leadership Principle That Changes Everything
One of the most powerful, liberating, and challenging truths in leadership is this: You are responsible for yourself, and not for the behavior of others. That doesn’t mean leaders ignore what others do. But it means the first and most important thing any leader must master is their own discipline, their own conduct, and their own inner game.
“Be strict with yourself and tolerant with others.”
“Be strict with yourself and tolerant with others.” This ancient bit of wisdom has become more essential than ever in today’s fast-moving, emotionally complex organizations. If you’re in a leadership role—whether you're a manager, a founder, or simply someone people look up to this principle can be your anchor in the storm.
People Will Be People
Let’s just get it out of the way: people are going to be fools. They’ll be lazy, passive-aggressive, overly emotional, unreliable, arrogant, insecure, selfish, or just plain odd.
Let them be.
That’s their business. It’s not within your control.
You’re not going to fix everyone. You’re not going to force people to change. And if you try, you’ll exhaust yourself and burn out trying to manage things that are fundamentally outside your sphere of influence.
What is in your control? You.
Your tone. Your response. Your standards. Your attitude. Your willingness to course-correct when you get it wrong. This is where leadership lives or dies.
Leadership Is Self-Mastery First
The greatest leaders aren’t the ones who yell the loudest or wield the most authority. They’re the ones who show up, every day, with personal discipline.
They keep their emotions in check even when provoked.
They follow through on commitments even when it’s hard.
They own their mistakes without defensiveness.
They remain calm when others panic.
They resist the urge to match others' dysfunction with their own.
That doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you. It means you don’t become what you’re reacting to. You don’t need to lose your temper just because someone else did. You don’t need to gossip because others are. You don’t need to sulk, attack, or check out.
You don’t match energy—you set it.
Don’t Confuse Tolerance With Enabling
Being tolerant doesn’t mean you accept poor performance, or ignore team issues. It means you approach them professionally and constructively. You create boundaries. You give feedback. You make decisions. But you do it without judgment, resentment, or self-righteousness.
You say, “That’s not acceptable here,” not “You’re an idiot.”
You say, “This needs to improve,” not “I’m tired of dealing with your nonsense.”
You’re firm. Clear. Respectful. And most importantly, unshaken.
Why It Matters
When a leader is strict with themselves, they earn credibility. People trust them. They don’t see hypocrisy. They see someone walking the talk.
When a leader is tolerant with others, they earn loyalty. People feel psychologically safe. They know they won’t be thrown under the bus for a mistake. They know they’re being led by someone who can hold complexity, not just compliance.
Together, this creates a culture of accountability without cruelty. A culture where people are pushed to grow, not shamed into conformity.
The Bottom Line
It’s easy to point fingers. It’s easy to rant about how other people are the problem.
But leadership doesn’t start there. It starts with the mirror.
If someone’s acting ridiculous, let them. That’s on them.
If you’re acting ridiculous, fix it. That’s on you.
Be strict about that. Hold the line with yourself. That’s where your power is. And it’s what your team—whether they realize it or not—is hoping you’ll do.